I am in a bit of a funk right now and am hopeful that I will persevere and survive. I guess I don't really have a choice, although today I thought about walking out of my house and just driving until I ran out of gas....which would have been 5 miles or so because it was time to refuel!
Here are some things I am dealing with that I am sure will either make you feel better about YOUR life or feel like you are in good company. I hope it is the former.
1. A extremely strong willed 2 year old.
I thought Owen was my strong willed child. No, I am the lucky mother of 2 SWB (strong willed boys)! But Owen doesn't hold a candle to this little guy! Potty training is going good. I think the issue is this new responsibility that he doesn't want to have. He is also very clingy right now, so he is constantly under my feet. I DO love him like crazy, but the constant whining, crying, time-outs, screaming, pottying, and hitting is taking a toll on me!
Today he threw his gum wrapper on the floor and I said, "Gray, you need to pick that up and put it in the trash". Do you know it took 45 minutes, 10 time outs and lots of drama before he FINALLY picked that trash up off the floor. It wasn't about the trash, it was about obeying and Lord knows that child needs some training.
2. A husband that works too hard.
Poor Matt! I feel sorry for him, I really do. He carries the weight of providing for our family on his shoulders. We are so thankful that he recently got a promotion, but with that, has come lots and lots of work. Usually after Christmas, he is able to take off a week to be with the family. This was the plan again this year, but it just didn't happen. He had to travel a good bit and when he was home, that "crack"berry was in constant use and it was things he really needed to do. I get that! I hate it for him! I hate it for me!
3. Sickness
What would Christmas break be without getting sick?
I hate it when my kids get sick. I admit my feelings are mostly selfish. It really puts a halt to my OWN plans. We were lucky enough to get strep, as well as a really gross sounding hacking cough that makes people we don't know at Publix slather on the hand sanitizer when they hear it.
4. I HATE cold weather.
I thought about doing some sun therapy. Do people still have tanning beds in their homes. I honestly think my body needs more vitamin D than the average person. I long for the days when I can throw on shorts, a tank top and some flip flops and walk to my car sweating. I love it! I don't want Spring. I want Summer!
5. Adoption
I am getting some papers together that I will be sending to China and because of the above list of downers, I find myself questioning my ability to be a good parent. I am aware that this is Satan attacking me, because I know this is what God has called us to do, but......
Can I do it? Can I make it?
Unless God tells us otherwise, we are adopting! I guess when you have days, weeks, etc.. that are difficult, it makes you second guess your ability to do ANYTHING!
So...now is the time where I am suppose to say, "There is nowhere else I would rather be" right?
Nope!
Right now, today, I am really wishing I was in Costa Rica, sitting on a beach.
Hey my friend! Don't you fret, you are NOT alone! I think with all the excitement leading up to a wonderful Christmas and the excitement of 4 little ones (Wils and Owen are STILL little!) it's hard to get them back into routine and realizing that the fun of the holidays has to go by the wayside at some point. (Duke cried a fit last night when he found out I was taking down the tree - I'm a little behind!) And from one mom to another - if we didn't have that part to worry about, the discipline, the constant need to be there for everyone (other than ourselves), the funk probably wouldn't exist!
ReplyDeleteBut this path, this journey, it's all a flash and before you know it Gray will be Yes Ma'aming you all the time with just a look from your eye (we can still dream right? I AM! lol!) But while we are in it, whoa. Jack is my strong willed one and just as much of a struggle for me is getting Cory to understand that his fits, the constant discipline that is required (he is put in our bedroom and told that he must get his self-control and only then may he rejoin the family), is going to work in the long run (seems like a REALLY long run, but I have FAITH!)
I know it doesn't help that it's been gloomy and dreary here for nearly a month it seems - wasn't Sunday glorious - even if chilly?!
Hang in there my friend. There are better days (weeks!) ahead and there is a little girl in China who's life is depending on your discipline to make her life here incredible!
You are an amazing woman - take a break and go to that tanning bed for 20 minutes!, or just sit in the living room with a travel magazine while the kids zone out on a show (and leave the guilt with them) and turn on a really bright lamp and ignore the world around you if just for a brief moment!
If you need me to wrassle the kids for you to get out for a bit I'm here for you! We'll make it work.
Love you!
I'm just now reading this post and could just cut and paste it on my blog (except for the adoption)! I told Jeremy I would take a night in a hotel by myself at this point! And this weather doesn't help! I keep thinking it's going to warm up any day now but then I remember it's only January! And while we're not adopting I've told Jeremy several times this week that we are done having children - I'm sure now :) I love my babies but I often don't think I'm doing so good with the three we have so probably don't need to add more :)
ReplyDeleteGlad I'm not the only one and thankful this too shall pass but hope it's soon!